Though she’s been fighting cancer with her chin up and spreading awareness about the disease through social media, Sonali Bendre says she blamed herself for the disease when she was first diagnosed.
“Everyone said, ‘Your lifestyle was never like that. How did it happen to you?’ I actually thought that it was me doing something wrong and that I have caused it,” she revealed at a recent event in Mumbai.
“I went to a psychiatrist in New York. I was like, I don’t understand what is happening to me. I’m not a negative person, I have a lot of positive thoughts. Am I being delusional? Do I actually have negative thoughts and I am burying it so deep in my subconscious that I don’t realise it? I needed to understand what was happening to me,” she added.
However, when her psychiatrist told her it had nothing to do with her, she breathed a sigh of relief. “It was like a weight lifted off. I said I can deal with this. I don’t have to flog myself. Because I was doing that. I kept thinking what did I do wrong. I realised that we have done nothing wrong if we have got this disease,” she said.
Bendre, who was diagnosed with metastatic cancer early in 2018, went to New York soon after for treatment. After retuning to India by year end, she resumed work last month, after her 44th birthday.